Being in the trenches can get real bad sometimes. Every time I talk myself down and pat myself on the back for being an excellent mom, it all blows up on me (pun intended). Third child, third try at potty training. The last two times went less than stellar for me. Pru handled #1 by just tossing her on the toilet and enticing her with underwear strewn with lace, frills and princesses. Dan handled #2, taught him how to sword fight and called it good. We didn't have weird accidents or months of little plastic potties. It was show time from the start, big ol' toilet and little teeny person, but it worked.
Now, its my turn with the wee one and OMG, I am striking out. So we start off all nicey nice with little coy conversations about privacy, pretty Cinderella underwear and the promise of one pink jelly bean with every success in the potty. The jaded eye of an almost 3 year old looks at me and I know she is thinking "Are you crazy? Who wants to leave the comfort of a warm wet diaper? I don't ever have to wipe or take the time to sit down and go the bathroom" But, we keep the charade up. She smiles, I smile, we use our princess voice and not one time does any pee ever make it into the toilet.
I wake up with new resolve. My kids never used paci's, they like their high chair, they go to bed early and they are going to be potty trained before 3!! We go commando. Ditch the diaper and its all cotton all the way, all day. Things go ok because Harp can hold it and feels free to do so until nap time when I put a diaper on her. Then we make it the rest of the day until bedtime diaper. Hmmm the little minx has my number, doesn't she? We keep up the nicey nice, all pleasant and happy about not wearing diapers during the day anymore. But, the kid needs to actually to use the toilet at some point, doesn't she?
Day two, here we go. We panty up and head out. I hedge my bets, and give her a big sippy of juice, sure she will stay dry until we get to Julia's. She does! We babysit the twins, partake in food and drink. Hit the potty a few times. No accidents! I am feeling good. I knew she would get it! We have a nice cup of water because she's been so stuffy and not feeling well, and I worry she will do something crazy like get dehydrated. I actually make a Dr. appt on the off chance she has an ear infection. We get McDonald's, take a safety pee and get ready to go. I am feeling fine now! We demure at the Dr.'s office. Harp announces that she only wears big girl undies now. NOT DIAPERS. Unfortunately, for Harp, she has a double ear- ouch! Its off to get Amox at the pharmacy. I think I could be pushing my luck, but jeez, she needs this medicine! We love our pharmacist. She knows the whole family and takes some time to talk to me about Cody and my dad, yada yada yada. She says good bye to Harper and I. She looks at me funny and asks how Harper is feeling. Fine except the ear, I think. So, I glance at the little and she has a pinched up prune face and she's stuck in place. As we try to walk off, here comes a little moan, and then a bigger one. Harper is now walking with her feet no less than 3 feet apart yelling "I pooped my pants!" I have no idea where the bathroom is and head the wrong way, of course. 20 yards later, we head the other way. I am trying to talk nice, and keep her moving. No way in hell am I picking that kid up with poop in her pants! We have to demoralize ourselves in the public bathroom at the Albertson's. I want to really punch every person in there- the bathroom is not equipped for anything! Are they ever? NO!!
Gag, wipe, cajole, flush, hand wash, redress, rewash hands, and get the heck out of there. Its only 12:30pm- thank goodness the yuck is out of the way for the day. Or, until 35 minutes before its time to get Daisy at parent pick up and we have another "accident" in the car. It takes an act of God, to get that car seat out and cleaned and put back in by the time we need to leave. I will spare you the details. Suffice it to say, it was gross.
No more miss nice. I don't care that the undies are cute with lace and princesses and castles. I realize that taking antibiotics isn't going to help this situation. I slap the diaper back on her. I tell her that mommy needs strength to deal with the other hooligans and can't be living like this. I throw in plenty of melodrama for good measure. I let her bask in the light of a diaper and Spongebob Squarepants pajamas for the rest of the day. She's only young once, and who am I to care if warm wet diapers are a comfort. I will build up my resolve. It will happen one way or another. Maybe.....
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